Thursday, February 12, 2015

50 Shades of NO WAY JOSE!

NO, I will NOT be going to see “50 Shades of Grey”, because the last thing I want to do for two hours is sit in the dark with a bunch of sexed up ladies and the occasional man who strayed far enough from the herd to get dragged to this debacle. What’s grosser than sitting in a room full of sexed up strangers?...........Sitting in a room full of sexed up middle-aged strangers! Why would I want to sit next to a bunch of gals who’s personal state matches the word on the butt of their expensive sweat pants? Or worse, sit next to the couple with the wandering hands?

I’m expecting that the whole scenario will be a gruesome blend of  70’s porn theatre vibe mixed with nervous giggles reminiscent of the 7th grade “The Magic of Menstruation” video screening.   This “film” is what home video was made for.  Cinemax has this on all the time! I would also caution gals who do attend to stay away from any restaurant adjacent to the theatres screening this as I expect their bars will be populated with cagey middle aged dudes just waiting to reel in the ladies who have been primed by the good folks at Universal. 

If you MUST go, then I recommend you take a poncho and some hand sanitizer. In the meantime, I’ll be at home waiting for the inevitable Today Show stories on the increase in visits to the ER for 50 Shades adventures gone awry.  Where’s the popcorn?

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