Monday, March 14, 2016

My horrible driver's license photo.

This is my new driver’s license photo. Not my best moment. I wasn't trying for full glamour shot but my friend Holly said I should go for Blue Steel however I think I just did perturbed, which was actually an accurate reflection of my mood.  It wasn’t really a big deal until I realized that if I’m accused of a crime this is the photo that the media will likely get its hands on and I think it reads pretty guilty.  Here are a few of the possible headlines to accompany this photo:

  • Woman arrested for pooping in public pool.

  • “You’ll have to pry these cats from my cold, dead hands!” cried animal hoarder.

  • PTA Mom arrested for assault in carpool kerfluffle.

  • Neighbors ‘Not surprised. Not surprised at all’ by shocking allegations.

  • Woman found drunk in children’s tree house with no pants on.

  • Middle-aged housewife who threatened children remains unapologetic: ‘I told them to stay off of my lawn!’

  • Few clues about woman found unconscious in a local park with a collection of beanie babies and candy corn.

  • Officers greeted by erratic topless woman wielding rolling pin.

  • Mother of two may hold answers in case of missing hot dog truck.

  • Loss of dignity “Not the worst thing that has ever happened to me”,  says disgraced volunteer.

  • “I could only afford one”  - County woman gets single breast implant.