Thursday, March 16, 2017

Rewriting US Weekly's Terrible, Sexist Bachelor Article

Hey US Weekly!! Could you try writing a less sexist article about The Bachelor? Like I know the program isn't exactly a bastion of feminist ideals but that doesn't mean you need to pile on.  Please review my edits below - pay attention to the part where I made things into attributes about Vanessa that you spun as flaws. 

Bachelor Nick Viall and Fiancee Vanessa Grimaldi Are in Love, But Have a ‘Volatile’ Relationship Face the Normal Challenges That Any Two Adults Who Are Essentially Strangers Living Apart Would Face.

With The Bachelor, happily ever after is the exception not the rule because two strangers, under unrealistic circumstances pledge to marry each other and/or gain short-term fame. See: Chris Soules and Whitney Bischoff, Juan Pablo Galavis and Nikki Ferrell, or any of the other 15 pairs fools who split once the helicopters landed and the hot tubs cooled. Season 21’s Nick Viall – who proposed to Vanessa Grimaldi in a Finnish winter wonderland on the Monday, March 13, finale is determined to avoid that fate get famous with or without Vanessa, whichever is easier.  “Nick and Vanessa,” a Bachelor source ABC Producer reveals in the new issue of US Weekly, “want to be in it for the long run. see how much they can make of this”

Easier said than done. Sources ABC producers say since the show wrapped in November, the LA entrepreneur unemployed software salesman from Wisconsin, 36, and the Montreal special-needs teacher, 29, have grappled with everything from her jealousy reasonable dislike for his man-whore nature to their future zip code.  “We love each other are attracted to each other and are just kind of riding this thing to see where it goes.”  Grimalidi said on After the Final Rose The 60 Minute garbage post show that allows ABC to maximize its ad revenue, “but there have been days that have been difficult where I wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.” US breaks down the couple’s challenges.

They’re too Similar

“I’m a big personality self-focused, loudmouth” Viall told US recently, “and I push back really want to be famous.” Ditto (yeah, they used ‘ditto’ in an article SMH) Grimaldi, who chided Viall called Nick on his total douchery after Corinne Olympios transfixed him with her not-so-secret weapons (hint: there are twoTHEY MEAN BOOBS Y’ALL – She showed him her boobs and let him touch them in front of everyone) “Vanessa is no pushover a grown ass woman. She’s not going to just do whatever he wants Who is acting like a grown ass woman!” says the insider ABC Producer. “He’s attracted to that but it makes their relationship volatile a two way street which is less fun that having a girl who is like a puppy with boobs.”

Neither Wants to Move

No U-Haul then, eh? (Nod to Canada because they all say ‘Eh’ there. See how international we are? We get it US, wink emoji) Multiple sources Multiple ABC Producers confirm Grimaldi will temporarily relocate to L.A. while Viall shoots Dancing With the Stars People You May Have Seen on TV Before 24 this spring, but after that is anyone’s guess  she’ll go back to Canada if he doesn’t get a job.  Viall said on ATFR that they’re “leaning toward the US he doesn’t want to move to Canada” but the second source says , “They still don’t know Vanessa has no intention of just giving up the job she loves and free health care for some 3 time Bachelor failure who cries more than John Boehner”

She’s Jealous  She is Understandably Not Cool Being Eskimo Sisters with Raven and Rachel

Viall licked whipped cream off Olympios’ chest. He called his chemistry with new Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay “explosive.” (Eeewww) And he made out with runner-up Raven Gates in the mud. Grimaldi has been among the 6 million or so viewers watching Viall get physical each week, and “she’s having a hard time seeing Nick romancing all these other women. As a smart, independent woman this logically makes her question his sincerity and his motives.” Says the show source  ABC producer (It was so tough, she skipped watching the fantasy suite dates!  nasty that she gave herself the full Silkwood and one of those Guwynneth Paltrow vagina steam cleans after watching the fantasy date episodes.)

He Prioritizes His Career  “Fame”

Viall said on the special that Grimaldi is incredibly knows she needs to appear supportive “ of his choice to compete on DWTS. But now that he’s ready to rumba starting March 20, “that’s his main focus. He hopes this will give him a shot at lasting fame  a guest spot on Access Hollywood.”  Says the insider, who adds that the candid Grimaldi won’t tolerate being a wallflower forever wait forever for this Access Hollywood gig since software sales hasn’t been a real job description since 2002. “She’s not just going to be in his shadow. Support this nonsense forever.”