Monday, June 2, 2014

The Office, Taliban Style

I was so glad to hear about the release of Bowe Bergdhal.  Great news!  What surprised me though was the news that there is a Taliban OFFICE in Quatar.  An Office?! It got me thinking what is that office like?  Is there a Taliban Michael Scott doppelgänger with the requisite Dwight Schrute :

“I’m the Assistant Commander of the Faithful”
 “No you are the Assistant TO the Commander of the Faithful”

Do they have office hijinks – like washing someone’s shalwar (loose pants) in hot water so they shrink?  “Hey Abdul Rahman nice pants! Are you expecting a flood?”

Do they have nicknames for each other.  Like is the good looking guy called James Mujahideen?  And the guy who likes to cook. Do they call him Paula Mujahideen?   Do they say things like “Ugh, that guy!  He puts the DULL in Abdullah!”

Do they have an HR department?  What’s it like being that guy?  Does someone “out” a coworker for being a secret Demi Lovato fan?  And then he’s all like:

 “No, I just clicked on an ad and the video just popped up. The computer went crazy! I don’t know what happened?“

What are their email addresses?

Do they have a twitter?  “Follow us!  No, literally follow us”

(Actually they do have a twitter and it is pretty f*&%ed up reading.  I will ad that it is not verified.  So its anyone’s guess.

What are the office holiday parties like?  Does everyone bring a casserole to celebrate Eid al-Fitr? And like everyone knows that Omar always bring the kebabs and woe to anyone else who tries and of course there’s the rumor that Ahmed’s third wife is lazy and brings store bought naan every year.    On the upside, I guess no one gets drunk and hits on the boss’ wife. 

Do they have posters like these on the walls of the break room? 

(That Allah, ALWAYS testing you! A real joker that guy.)

 (Thanks for not destroying me Allah!)

 (Everybody’s Workin’ For the Weekend)

Is there a bulletin board in the kitchen with ads and other stuff: 

Sheet with little pull tabs:  “You too can have 72 virgins.  Ask me how!”

If you are the last person to make tea – PLEASE UNPLUG THE TEA POT

Don’t miss the TORTURE AND TEAMBUILDING seminar this weekend.  “Fun, Food and Friendship” Contact Hafiz in HR to register. 

I could go on and on. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm really hoping they have potluck dinners and committee meetings to discuss new ways to streamline their kidnapping synergies.