Saturday, June 7, 2014

Thoughts on Bergdhal video

Just a few thoughts on the Bergdhal rescue video.

 Ok, so the first funny bit is that the US apparently told the folks at the Taliban office in Doha:

"Listen, so we know you are the correct group , we are going to need you to shine a green light. Just so we don't land on the wrong group."

And the folks in Doha were like: "Ahhhh, that could be a bit of a problem because you see, we don't exactly have a green light"

So I'm guessing at that point the US guy was like "Really?  Like there's no one there who even has like a laser pointer in the junk drawer of his desk?"

Taliban:  "Yeah, no.  No lights.  No lasers"

US: "How about one of those little hand crank flashlights?  You know the ones that look like little pandas.  Do you have one of those you could use?"

Taliban: "Hold on.......(muffled receiver, muffled voice) does anyone have a flashlight?  No? It doesn't matter why.  Oh, you have one!?  What? No Achmed, that is a flare, totally different.  Jeeze. I know, I know you are just trying to help but honestly...sigh, go back to your office.  So guys, that's a no on the light?  Ok, I'll tell him. (clear receiver) You still there?"

US:  "Yes"

Taliban: "Yeah, so that's a negative on the light."

US: (audible sigh)  "Ok... do you have a white flag that you might be able to wave?"

Taliban: "Hold on (muffled receiver)  They want a white flag, does anyone have a white flag? I don't know, let me ask.  (clear receiver)  Hi, ummm so does it have to be an official "flag" or no?"

US:  (patiently) "Nope, anything flag like will do. "

Taliban: "Ok then, yes, yes we are good to go with flag"

Here's what they showed up with:

.....basically a scrap of white fabric attached to a stick that I'm fairly certain they literally picked up off the ground right there!  I'm sure that the white flag as a mark of surrender totally went over their head.

Which brings me to the vehicle:

WHAAA?  Its like an Eldorado had sex with a Suziki SUV!  Here's how this went down.

Taliban Leader:  "So we are going to release this guy to the Americans.  I hear there were some issues with the light or flags or something.  Anyway, want you guys to go get ol' Baldo Bergdhal and take him in the van."

Taliban #2: "The van?  Can we take the crazy scribble truck?"

Taliban Leader: "No, take the van.  Its bigger.  Take the nice one though.  The one with wall to wall carpeting and the sound system."

Taliban #2:  (excited and whiny) "I really want to take the crazy scribble truck. Its so cool!  It will show them how cosmopolitan we are. Plus what's the point of having a macked out truck like that if we don't show it to anybody?  C'mon, please?"

Taliban Leader: "I don't know the van just seems to make the most sense.'

Taliban #2: "Oh come on.  It will be great.  When they land we can fling the door open and be all like (official voice) 'Here is your hostage'  It will add a lot of flair.  Come on.  You never let us do anything fun?!!"

Taliban Leader: "Alright, take the truck.  Don't forget the flag."

Taliban #2:  "Woo hoo!  Hey guys he's letting us take the truck. I call shotgun."  

Taliban #2 walks away talking to himself under his breath:

"I have your hostage right HERE!"
"I HAVE your hostage right here!"  
"I have YOUR hostage right here."  
"HERE IS YOUR HOSTAGE! " (whispers) yeah that's it!' (small fist pump to self)

Which finally brings me to the wave.  

"Ok, bye now.  Call us next time you are in Kabul!  We'll do lunch."

No comments:

Post a Comment