Wednesday, June 3, 2015

He 'aint heavy, he's my brother..... Actually, he's a huge pain in the ass!

CNN was recently talking about Jesus’ brother James.   How awful it is to be the younger brother of Jesus Christ!? I mean honestly!    Episode 1 in my series about Jesus’ brother. (there may or may not be an episode 2)

Mary: (in the voice of Howard Stern’s mother) : 

“JAMES! Your brother Jesus cured a paralyzed man and fed a multitude at Bethesaid the other day with only seven loaves and fishes!  Did you hear that, a MULTITUDE James?!  Linda said there were at least 5 thousand people there and I can’t even get you to take out the trash.”


“First of all Mom, all my friends call me Jimbo and Jesus doesn’t even have a job! He just hangs around with those guys, his ‘disciples’ all day.”


“Jimbo? For the love of God! What kind of a name is Jimbo?  No one has ever heard of a Rabbi Jimbo.  And Jesus…….James, he is HEALING people for God’s sake!  I know your father would have liked him to take over the carpentry business but he is healing.  Can you imagine?  A doctor in the family?”

“As for his ‘disciples’, they are a very nice group of boys. Well except for that Iscariot boy.  What’s his name? Judas.  Yes, I don’t like that one.  He’s shifty.  You know I went to high school with his father, Simon.  Oh sure, all the parents thought he was terrific, but suffice it to say, I am not the only girl from Nazareth Regional High School Class of ’02 BC who can attest to the fact that that boy had some fast hands.   That’s all I’m saying.  He’s no good that one.”


“Its just that you always act like HE can’t do anything wrong.  He’s all like ‘I’m the son of God. You’re just the son of Joseph.’ What am I supposed to do?”


“What are YOU supposed to do? I don’t know James, how about you start by  getting Bar Mitzvahed?  Something simple James.  How about that?  Jesus did it at 10.  Always got one hundreds on all his religious work.  Maybe if you spend less time betting on those donkey and camel races and more time studying!  Well maybe then we would have a doctor AND a lawyer in the family!? Can you imagine?”

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