A 44 year old woman was found raving in a parking lot of a local bar after having over dosed on her children. She was examined by medical professionals and then escorted into the bar. Local bartender Steve said, “Oh yeah, I see this all the time. It’s usually at its worst near the end of summer but occasionally we’ll have a case right at the beginning just from the shock of it you know, plus they have a hard time getting to pilates class. Anyway, its not anything a glass or two of Chardonnay won’t make better.”
Over Dose by Children (ODBC), also commonly known as Too Much Togetherness Syndrome (TMTS) is a common affliction, but hits the stay at home moms the hardest. It can reach almost epidemic proportions amongst mothers with children younger than school age and can be exacerbated by too many Kindermusik and Mommy and Me Swim classes. For the mothers of school-aged children, it is most frequently reported during the summer but can also happen during some of the longer breaks especially if the family is travelling in close quarters and/or there is limited access to electronic devices. The most common symptoms are huffing and puffing, yelling and waving of the arms. The children are most affected but this illness can also have negative outcomes for the husband, store clerks and other drivers, but apparently not the family dog since he is, “the only one who understands me” said Mom.
Alcohol is the easiest and most effective way to treat symptoms. A hot bath and a chick flick have also proven effective. Unfortunately, there is no cure except to send the children back to school which “Can’t happen a day too soon” says Mom.
In related news, Mothers who send their children to college can suffer from Withdrawal From Children Syndrome (WFCS) the symptoms of which manifest primarily through crying jags and earnestly telling younger mothers to “Cherish these moments. It goes SO fast.” WFC syndrome is easily cured by a trip to Italy.