I’ve always thought of the things I would do if I were God. I'm fairly certain I could sort the world out if given a couple of weeks of unbridled power. So I was thinking about what I would do after of course, fixing all the disease, war, pain and suffering. Here is my preliminary list. (Notice how beautiful and flowy my God hair is! I don't know why my breasts are crooked - nobody's perfect)
10 Things I would do if I were God:
1) Just admit that menstruation was a gamble and an epic fail. New system implemented immediately.
2) More narwhals.
3) When you get too old to have sex you become just like a Barbie because really, who likes old, dormant genitals?
4) Give dolphins the ability to fight back, possibly by cross breeding with narwhals - open to suggestions.
5) Salvation would be determined solely on how well you drive. Put down the phone and use your blinker!
6) Declare an end to intolerance, starting with lactose intolerance. Its not ok.
7) Talking dogs, with the option of a non-talking dog. Whichever you prefer.
8) David Sedaris is my official spokesman and official best friend. So basically Jesus but more hilarious.
9) Walrus president because he would be “tusk on crime" and I think, super into the environment.
10) One Commandment - "Don't be an asshole." I think everyone knows what that means.
What would you do if you were God?