NO, I will NOT be going to see “50 Shades of Grey”, because
the last thing I want to do for two hours is sit in the dark with a bunch of
sexed up ladies and the occasional man who strayed far enough from the herd to
get dragged to this debacle. What’s grosser than sitting in a room full of
sexed up strangers?...........Sitting in a room full of sexed up middle-aged
strangers! Why would I want to sit next to a bunch of gals who’s personal state matches the word on the
butt of their expensive sweat pants? Or worse, sit next to the couple with the
wandering hands?
I’m expecting that the whole scenario will be a gruesome
blend of 70’s porn theatre vibe mixed
with nervous giggles reminiscent of the 7th grade “The Magic of
Menstruation” video screening. This
“film” is what home video was made for. Cinemax
has this on all the time! I would also caution gals who do attend to stay away from any restaurant adjacent to the theatres
screening this as I expect their bars will be populated with cagey middle aged
dudes just waiting to reel in the ladies who have been primed by the good folks at Universal.
If you MUST go, then I recommend you take a poncho and some
hand sanitizer. In the meantime, I’ll be at home waiting for the inevitable
Today Show stories on the increase in visits to the ER for 50 Shades adventures
gone awry. Where’s the popcorn?
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