All These Little Things......

I hate all these love songs that are based on the supposition that all women hate all kinds of things about themselves and need reassurance and validation from boy bands.  “All These Little Things” by One D is all about the things this young girl ostensibly doesn’t like about herself but he just loves!  I’m guessing this is the same girl that doesn’t know she’s beautiful.  Who would even want to hang out with this girl who is so devoid of self confidence? 

Why are we telling young women that this is some sort of thing that they are supposed to be? Gee thanks Nial – good to know you love me even though I “Still have to squeeze into my jeans.”  The love songs that women write for men are always all like “You are the greatest “. And the heartbreak songs are usually all - “Why did you leave me?” or “You’re the worst!”  It got me thinking, Why don’t women ever write dumb songs like this about men? So I did, just to highlight how dumb they are!

Loosely based on “These Little Things”, it is called “Hopefully”

Your tiny man hands fit in mine

Like a masculine doll.

A GI Joe who never served,

come to life

who obsessively plays World of Warcraft in his mother’s basement .

I know you aren’t psyched

To be a clerk at the last video store

They just can’t see

You could be so much more

I don’t mind paying half

Or taking the bus too

I love the man you are going to be….hopefully

I won’t let my friends know all these things.

They are cruel.

If they only knew,

how you cry after sex.

I know its only because I’m the best!

I’m the only one who knows the man

You will be someday…hopefully

You get tired if you run too much

Its probably because of your asthma

I don’t need a man who can run

cuz I’m pretty strong for a girl

and I do a lot of Tae Bo for fun.

I know you only got kicked out

Of your last place

Because they couldn’t appreciate,

that clutter fuels your creativity.

But your Call of Duty dexterity

Is pretty impressive.

50 achievements is total badassery!

I won’t let my friends know all these things

They are cruel

If they only knew,

How you cry after sex.

I know its only because I’m the best!

I’m the only one who knows the man

You will be someday…hopefully.

Oh one day you’ll have clean credit

And can be on the lease

Your warrants will be canceled

So we won’t have to worry

When we are stopped by the police.

I won’t let my friends know all these things

They are cruel

If they only knew,

how you cry after sex.

I know its only because I’m the best!

I’m the only one who knows the man

You will be someday…hopefully

I’m the only one who knows

The man you will be someday….hopefully

Hopefully

Hopefully