The Dangers of Home Pregnancy Testing

So instead of parenting or housekeeping, I was flipping through my People magazine (yes, I subscribe.  How else can I hope to keep up with those Kardashians?) and I stumbled upon this advertisement.

I thought to myself  "What's this.  Can a pregnancy test give me back my pert breasts of yore that were ironically ruined by being pregnant?"  So I kept reading.  Here's the fine print.

Sadly, it doesn't say anything about pert breasts.  That sure is a big tip. I think you can also use it as a paint brush.  But mostly it was good to know that I would have "Confidence in my hands" with the "New Ergonomic Shape".  Woah, who knew that handling the home pregnancy test had been heretofore so difficult and fraught with danger of injury?  Were the previous tests coated in oil and constantly slipping from the fingers of anxious women?  How many tens of women were diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome before the "new ergonomic shape?"  I'm betting the only folks who truly appreciate the ergonomic function are those who work on the Maury show.  Once you start marketing your pregnancy test as ergonomic, I think you have to realize that we have reached a point where there is no distinguishable difference between these tests.  If you could figure out an easy way to fix my breasts!  Now THAT would be something to advertise!