ODBC - Do YOU Have it?

A 44 year old woman was found raving in a parking lot of a local bar after having over dosed on her children.  She was examined by medical professionals and then escorted into the bar.  Local bartender Steve said, “Oh yeah, I see this all the time.  It’s usually at its worst near the end of summer but occasionally we’ll have a case right at the beginning just from the shock of it you know, plus they have a hard time getting to pilates class.  Anyway, its not anything a glass or two of Chardonnay won’t make better.”

Over Dose by Children (ODBC), also commonly known as Too Much Togetherness Syndrome (TMTS) is a common affliction, but hits the stay at home moms the hardest.  It can reach almost epidemic proportions amongst mothers with children younger than school age and can be exacerbated by too many Kindermusik and Mommy and Me Swim classes.  For the mothers of school-aged children, it is most frequently reported during the summer but can also happen during some of the longer breaks especially if the family is travelling in close quarters and/or there is limited access to electronic devices.  The most common symptoms are huffing and puffing, yelling and waving of the arms.  The children are most affected but this illness can also have negative outcomes for the husband, store clerks and other drivers, but apparently not the family dog since he is, “the only one who understands me” said Mom. 

Alcohol is the easiest and most effective way to treat symptoms.  A hot bath and a chick flick have also proven effective.  Unfortunately, there is no cure except to send the children back to school which “Can’t happen a day too soon” says Mom. 

In related news, Mothers who send their children to college can suffer from Withdrawal From Children Syndrome (WFCS) the symptoms of which manifest primarily through crying jags and earnestly telling younger mothers to “Cherish these moments. It goes SO fast.”  WFC syndrome is easily cured by a trip to Italy.

IT'S OK TO EAT BACON! REALLY!!!

So to discourage you from eating pork the anti meat people like to say “Oh pigs are smart.  They are as smart as a human child.”  I have two things to say: smart only matters when choosing a lawyer or accountant AND when they say human child, you probably think of this:

You CAN’T eat that!  Too cute! 

What they fail to mention is that what they really mean is this: 

Go ahead, enjoy your bacon!

I love the Westboro Baptist church!

I really love them.  I used to hate them.  All of the vitriol and bile that they spew from their hateful mouths would make me question the core of humanity.  How could someone do that to another person? 

But then I saw the way in which people reacted to them.  Everywhere they went people gathered in opposition; but not with anger, with love.  They gathered to shield families and let them know they are loved.  They held hands to show individuals that they are not alone.  When the Westboro leader died they did this: 

So, I love them because despite their best efforts they have done nothing but bring out the best in us.  They are like a vaccine for hate. Wherever they go, everyone just responds with fierce love!  I don't often claim to speak for Jesus but I think this time, we are doing exactly what Jesus would do! Thank God for Westboro! Thank you for reminding us that there are more good people in this world than bad and that the answer to hate is not hate, it is simply to love more.